Oh My Dear Blog World,
These days thoughts spin in my head like clothes in the washing machine. They are soaked and crinkled and their colors bleed together from the heat. Upon pulling them out of my head they are almost unrecognizable. That being said here I am writing, so I apologize in advance for what ever this blog may turn into.
Today I was talking to someone far wiser than myself, and she said something that got tucked away in the good advice compartment of my brain. Now as some of you know the good advice compartment of my brain and the ideas for my blog compartment of my brain are connected by several strings of spaghetti, so here we go. She said to me: this time should be used for not only healing, but healing wholly. So how does one heal wholly? Physically, mentally, spiritually, all at once? My response was, of course, to tell her that it seems like a lot of work. She then told me to find the things that I know to be true no matter what and start from there. My response was, of course, that I can list all the presidents.
What I have come to realize in the time since that conversation is that the first step in healing wholly is honesty. Honesty with myself. Honesty about where I am and what that means. Honesty about the new shape of the path. Honesty about mistakes that I have made, and people I have hurt, and the excuses that have been supporting me for years. It’s a little brutal, but worth it. I have tried to euphemize this time in a thousand ways, but what it really is a detour. It is a messy, unknown, slightly scary, maybe beautiful, going to take an extra twenty minutes to get to work detour. That is what it is, and that’s okay. What’s weird about being really honest with yourself is that you find all of these thoughts, and ideas, and judgments that have been so covered with dust and excesses and lies. It’s a process, and I will try to keep you posted.
Secondly it’s important to be honest with other people. For by perpetuating falseness, we are loosing pieces of ourselves. We have all gained a million pounds in emotional weight from all the sugar coating we have swallowed. So I, my dear friends, promise to be very honest with you. So talk to me, or don’t. Ask me a question, or don’t. Ask me anonymously, or don’t. I love you all very much, and that is the honest truth.
